Achievements….

5 weeks in and we’re all still smiling…. The house is still standing, everyone’s been fed and no ones been late for school yet…. I reckon that’s an achievement in itself to be fair!

In all honesty I’m starting to go a little stir crazy now and am feeling the need to get out a bit more with smallest boy, I think we’re going to have to brave some baby groups – if I ever get round to finding any!

However despite the craziness, yesterday brought another small achievement…. I took littlest man to baby clinic to get weighed (I’m going to gloss over the fact that I actually took him on Tuesday too…. that I managed in the fog of my baby brain to go to the right place at the right time…. just on the wrong day and make a complete idiot of myself hammering on the door and keep pressing the buzzer until someone actually answered and explained that I was there a day early 😂🙈)

Anyway…. my stupidity aside… not only had he gained weight, he’s actually jumped up a centile on his growth chart…. the health visitor actually congratulated me on doing a brilliant job of feeding him and I came away feeling so glad that we had his tongue tie cut, and incredibly happy that I persevered and stood my ground and that he’s still exclusively breast fed….it would’ve been so easy to give up but I’m SO proud that we didn’t.

Of course he decided to celebrate this great achievement by wanting to feed approximately every half an hour from 2.30am this morning just to remind me how amazing we obviously are at it 😂

still, sleep is for the weak anyway right?! 😍💙🌈

 

A whole month

Our precious little rainbow is a  month old today…. in all honesty it feels like he’s been here forever….

what a month it’s been though, full of highs and lows…. mostly highs luckily, and above all else full of love

a whole month since my Caesarian and I honestly feel like it could’ve been years ago, everything’s healed, I’ve been pain free for weeks, and I’m even fitting back into my pre pregnancy clothes (though this belly is here to stay I reckon!!)

last night I even managed half an hour to myself for the first time since he was born to have a long relaxing bath, put on a face mask and sort my disgraceful nails…. I felt like a new woman afterwards!!  Sadly that feeling was shortlived as little man decided against sleep in the early hours so I’m back to a zombie today running only on love and chocolate…..

woudnt change it for the world though…. even at 4am when I’m struggling to stay awake whilst he’s lay on my chest I’m still the happiest I’ve been in years….

so glad it’s Friday though and hubby and my big boys will be home to help and at least let me have 5 minutes to wash my hair and eat my breakfast in peace!

It’s been a pretty amazing but exhausting month…. Can’t wait to see what the next month brings us 😍

Love 💙

Love…

that’s what I’m running on right now… a little sleep here and there, and lots of chocolate (way too much in fact but the diet can wait!) but love is what is keeping me going…. love for this gorgeous little boy and for our gorgeous little family.

i can honestly say I am LOVING motherhood this time round, I’m consciously trying to enjoy every moment, trying not to wish the time away and am just so overwhelmed with love and happiness….

everything is SO different this time around, i have my amazing hubby by my side, and the big boys who have so much love for their baby brother…. Even when they fight and argue (which is every bloody day lately 🙈) they both get up in the mornings and can’t wait to give him a cuddle…. they both come home from School and want to play with him or hold him…. sometimes I even get to nip to the toilet or cook tea whilst they watch him….. Im now so incredibly glad of the big age gap between them, although our journey has been long and tough I’m now almost grateful for it…. the timing couldn’t be more right for us as a family.

im also older and far more confident this time around…. I guess thanks to everything I went through in the early days of both bigger boys, and in our journey this time around, it’s all made sure I’m far more confident in my own abilities, and in myself, and happy in making parenting decisions.

I can honestly say that even though there have been tough moments, breastfeeding has to be the one thing I’m most proud of so far this time around, after an expressing battle with biggest boy when he was in intensive care in which time I named myself daisy the cow…. that was so tough and ended in him being unable to actually have Breastmilk due to his medical condition…. it was so tough it put me off even trying to breastfeed last time around….  i was so determined that things would be different this time around…. although not very confident that I could actually do it….

BUT thanks to the support of my hubby and some fab friends I can now say that I’ve amazed even myself at how easy it is and how confident I’ve been…. I thought I’d be embarrassed and hide away in the house, but my mother’s instinct has taken over and upon little man requiring a feed all embarrassment immediately evaporates and the need to calm my baby takes over ….I’ve been found feeding in shops, in church and even on park benches without a care in the world…. I still can’t believe how much more confidence I have gained in just 4 short weeks, or how close I feel to this gorgeous little man, and how much love I have for him, sitting cuddled up together whilst he feeds with him staring up at me has got to be the best feeling in the world….

We’re only 4 weeks into this new chapter of our families journey, but I honestly couldn’t have any more love for any of the people in it…. heres hoping all this happiness continues 😍

 

New reality

So we’re on day 2 of hubby being back at work…. and so far we’re surviving pretty well!

Yesterday was just me and the smallest 2 boys as biggest was back to school…the health visitor came to weigh little man and he’d finally got back up to (and past) his birth weight, I was a VERY relieved mummy at that point!!

then we went for a trip to see the infant feeding team about baby’s tongue tie… the lady was SO lovely, and made me feel like I was actually doing things right, immediately after looking at him she said it desperately needed cutting… it was 75% tied and she went to make some calls to get him booked in as an emergency….

so today is our first day of just the 2 of us as both boys are now back to school….we managed the school run then walked down to the supermarket to buy some supplies before heading over to the hospital for his appointment…

it went better than I thought it would and was over very quickly, although it was tied in 2 places so had to be snipped twice… there was a lot of screaming and more blood than I was expecting, BUT it’s done now, little man fed immediately afterwards and then slept the whole way home… here’s hoping he will be able to feed better now and we won’t have to worry about his weight any longer…fingers crossed!!

So our new reality has so far been a bit hectic….(so much for resting when the newborn rests!) I’m exhausted, but a very happy exhausted and looking forward to a slightly less hectic reality next week!

 

 

The end of a year….

It’s strange to think that 2017 is almost over….

we started the year pretty low after suffering our second miscarriage only a few weeks earlier, and having all but given up on our dream of extending our family after 4 years of heartache….

though this year has been full of ups and downs, there have been so many moments when we didn’t think we would make it, so many tough times…. but there have been so many happy times too….so many memories have been made, and the end of this year has seen our beautiful little rainbow baby enter our lives….

all the hard times and tough moments have paled into insignificance, we are ending this year the happiest (and tiredest!!)  we’ve been in such a long time, surrounded by our beautiful little family, and our big crazy family too…..

not only is the year over, but our journey to complete our family is over too…. we will be starting the new year with everything we’ve wanted for such a very long time, with our family finally complete… starting the next step of our journey through life….and I’m determined to make the most of every single moment…. to cherish every “first” and every “last” and to create even more happy memories….

2017 you’ve brought us everything we ever wanted….it was very tough going but we survived and we’ve come out smiling…….

2018 we can’t wait to see what fun times and happiness you will bring…. whatever you throw at us (and I’m sure there will be something – there always is!) you can’t bring us down…we’re determined to make this new year our happiest and best yet 😍

 

2 whole weeks

It’s hard to believe it’s only been 2 weeks – 15 days to be exact – since this little man entered our lives. It really does seem like he’s been here forever, being pregnant is a distant memory, all the heartache has literally just erased from my memory, filed away and replaced by this huge, overwhelming love for our little family.

Christmas was manic as usual, but lovely at the same time, all of our children and nieces together having fun, noisy, crazy, just how Christmas should be…. that’s not to say it wasn’t exhausting though!!

Hubby made me the most perfect Christmas present, he’d printed off and laminated every single one of my blog posts since we found out I was pregnant with this little man, and added lots of photos etc to them all… and made a beautiful folder of “our journey”…. something we can keep forever and show our little man when he’s older 😍

in other news the midwife came back today and little man has not only got rid of his jaundice completely now, he’s actually put some weight on too thank goodness…. he’s still not back to his birth weight so we still have to keep a close eye on him, and he has to be weighed again in a week, BUT he’s going in the right direction…. we are winning the breastfeeding battle and I have to say I feel pretty proud of myself for not giving up now. Who knew it would be so emotional?!

His tongue tie referral has finally been made too so fingers crossed that appointment comes through quickly and things may even improve more….

I have to add that today is the first day hubby hasn’t been here, ive had all 4 of our little darlings, and we’ve all survived!!! In fact we’ve done better than survived…. everyone’s been washed, dressed and fed….I’ve even put a load of washing in and washed the pots….  we’ve managed a trip to the Drs (thanks to my sister having 2 of them to save me too much trauma!!) and a trip to the park…. and we’re all still here…. I didn’t lose anyone and we’re all still smiling…., result!!

(I did forget to sort anything for tea but im ignoring that minor detail and there’s stuff cooking now – whilst I sit and actually have 10 minutes to blog whilst all the children and either asleep or playing nicely 😬 so I’m still taking today as a very good day!!)

i must add that I’m under no illusion that any other day will ever go this well again for at least a month so please forgive my self indulgent happy post for now and feel free to laugh and say “told you so” at my next post when everything is back to crazy!!

anyway I’m waffling…. life is good, I’m off to enjoy a lovely roast with my little family then spend the evening playing board games and eating chocolates…. probably with a tiny person permantley attached to my chest…. could life be any more perfect?? I seriously doubt it right now 😁

 

Highs and lows…

So it’s 4am and although everyone else (including the newborn) is fast asleep, this mummy is wide awake…. typical!

this past 10 days have been amazing, our dreams have finally come true and I honestly couldn’t be any more in love with the new little person in our family. My big boys both absolutely adore their baby brother and I’ve never seen hubby happier.

Christmas is 2 days away, our family is complete, things really should be perfect. In fact no, things really are perfect, we have everything we’ve wanted for so long .

Yet here I am lay wide awake worrying…. baby was weighed yesterday and he has lost weight….he also has jaundice despite him seeming to be feeding really well…. mummy guilt has kicked in and I’ve spent hours online reading…

i really thought things were going well and that breastfeeding was the one thing that I could get right…But we only have until Wednesday for him to put weight on and im stressing….

we tried expressing milk and cup feeding him after his feeds last night, however his tongue tie means he can’t stick his tongue out to actually drink from the cup, so we resorted to syringe feeding instead….

dont suppose it helps that his tongue tie referral hasn’t even been made yet…. shall have to get that sorted in the morning….

for now I guess there’s not much more I can do, just carry on feeding as much as we can and hope he puts some weight on and get rid of his jaundice….

and at the same time try and enjoy our first christmas with our family complete…..

motherhood isnt meant to be easy, I have to keep reminding myself of that… weve just entered a new chapter on this rollercoaster of a journey!

what I do know though is that it’s worth it…. every sleepless night, every moment spent worrying, every single tear that’s been shed…. every single thing we have to go through…. I’d do it all a million times over, we already have our happy ending, our gorgeous rainbow baby in our arms…. every obstacle we come across now is nothing compared to what it took to get him here…. and i guess I wouldn’t be a proper Mum if I didn’t spend my whole life worrying about something!