This week has been another eventful one, biggest boy announced my pregnancy to his entire class on Monday – I wasn’t quite ready for that! I went back to work finally, and lasted 2 whole days…. horrendous labour type pains had me up all night on Wednesday, and had us expecting the worst, numerous (completely pointless) phone calls to our (completely awful and incredibly rude) early pregnancy unit, both in the middle of the night and the next morning got us nowhere, so a trip to the GP yesterday it had to be, accompanied by my sister as hubby was at work….
GP was luckily lovely and my sister stamped her feet a bit and complained about the awful people at EPU resulting in the GP ringing them herself and getting them to bring my scan forward from next week to today….
It was a very stressful 24 hours to say the least…. however scan today showed a very happy healthy 13 week pregnancy, though have us no ideas as to where the pain came from…
but 13 weeks!!! We made it…..
we are now officially on to the next hurdle…. just the 50/50 chance of hydrops to contend with now…. BUT we are strong and we have proved we can survive anything thrown at us, and god knows there’s been a lot!!
in some ways I miss the naivety of first pregnancy, I remember all those years ago after my first scan, the excitement and the need to go shopping at every opportunity, sadly my previous experiences have taken that away, pregnancy for me now is all about getting through each week, each appointment, each scan, and I know until at least 30 weeks – when Ellie was diagnosed – (to be fair probably even longer than that) I won’t be able to feel any of that excitement, only fear and nervous anticipation…. but I guess only people who have experienced babyloss will truly understand…. luckily, as I wouldn’t wish the feeling on ANYBODY else
Of course it’s not right to say I’m not excited, this baby means the world to us and of course I am happy, but I also have this inbuilt defence mechanism to shield myself from any unnecessary pain…. I have written before about my loathing of baby showers for this exact reason….
so I won’t apologise for not broadcasting our happy news for the whole world to see, in fact I haven’t published any of the last 3/4 blog posts I’ve written as I wasn’t ready for even the small number of people that follow my page to know our news!
I also won’t apologise for not posting happy pictures of our children holding our scan pictures, or pictures of my expanding belly…. it’s not that I haven’t taken them, of course I have, and I definitely don’t disagree with other people doing the same, in fact quite the opposite, I love seeing other people’s happy family posts they always make me smile…. once upon a time I was the same, but these days these things are precious to us as a family, I’m well aware of the chance that one day these things may be all we have…. so for that reason they will stay between the closest people to us
Sadly my boys understand that there’s a chance this baby might be poorly…. we’ve talked about it a little as I’d much rather be honest with them right from he start, they are SO excited (we have had frequent mothercare trip suggestions over the past couple of weeks since they’ve known!) and their excitement definitely helps me to feel excitement too, I reckon as we get further down the line I’ll have an argument on my hands about buying “cute little baba things” as they call them…. right now we’ve told them they have to wait until at least November and so far they’re happy with that…. but ive a feeling we may have a lot more reasoning to do with them on the subject over the next few months!! On a side note, littlest boy is adamant he’s having a brother called Tim….. reckon that’s gonna take EVEN MORE reasoning with!!
But for now, we made it this far…. there’s definitely no hiding it anymore it’s far too warm to cover up my growing belly….. fingers crossed and prayers for a happy healthy 6 months!!