Positivity

Just a quick update after a crazy busy couple of days!

Thursdays 24 week scan could not have gone better, another lovely sonographer who had a good look at baby at declared it to be hydrops free …. the relief in the room was immense!

Baby had its legs over its head too which would explain why all the movement I feel is so low down!

the 2 hour wait to see my consultant afterwards was not so fun, however once I did actually get in there it was quite productive…. she’s decided there’s another consultant at the hospital who specialises in fetal medicine so she wants to transfer my care to him as she feels he can look after me better, do more detailed scans etc…. so as much of a pain it is changing all my appointments and hubby changing all the days he’s booked off work we’re taking it as a positive step…. being kept a closer eye on definitely can’t be a bad thing

high on positivity I even managed a little shopping trip after the hospital to buy baby’s first teddy and pick up a few hospital bag things, they’re now safely hidden for the next 2 weeks out of my sight until at least until the next scan to save me feeling like I’ve tempted fate…..(hurry up and bring my appointment mr postman!!)  fingers crossed the next one goes just as well and this positivity continues….. we can do this 💜

A much better week – thank goodness!

Finally back with a slightly less moany post!

this past week has been much better than last, we’ve had a family trip to the zoo, a picnic in the park, and a trip to southport…. all absolutely exhausting but fun! Kids have been back to their best behaviour, and lots of memories have been made – can’t tell you what I’d do for a lie in right now though I’m beyond shattered!!

Quieter day today with a few jobs to do whilst we all regain some energy, have set the boys up doing some housework for me already and it’s only 8am…. I’m so lucky that they’re both so happy to help out. Off out for tea later on too so I dont even need to cook…. fingers crossed for a quiet drama free day!

its 24 week scan day tomorrow…. which I guess partly explains my exhaustion…. past couple of nights have seen the return of “dead baby dreams” which obviously aren’t much fun…. so tomorrow’s scan now can’t come quick enough, all fingers and toes crossed and prayers are definitely needed for tomorrow….

hubby has a few days off from tomorrow too so we have some family time to look forward to, and  he gets to join us on a family day out on Friday too so trying to look forward….

until then I’ll just try and keep busy…. hopefully tomorrow night my anxiety will have lifted (at least for 2 weeks until the next scan) and I will be able to sleep well…

its a good job this little one is so worth it ❤️

 

School holiday fun

This week has been tough….. and that’s quite an understatement….

id love to be one of those parents posting all over the internet with a thousand cute happy family photos, going on about the wonderful time we’re having, and how happy I am that the kids are off school…. and do you know what, id say 90% of the time in the school holidays I am that parent….. I love having my boys home, i love having family time, and I love creating memories with them…..

this week however has been a COMPLETELY different scenario….

my smallest child has been possessed by some kind of demon it would seem…. there have been more tantrums and screaming matches than there have been snacks consumed…. and trust me there’s been lots of those…

i am absolutely exhausted…. how I’ve got to Thursday evening in one piece is a miracle in itself!!

im guessing my beached whale status and my own pregnancy stress isn’t helping much….but still….

today was the first day he managed not to completely lose it before breakfast, and in fact we managed a lovely day, a morning at home where he played happily with his brother and a lovely afternoon at the park with friends….

however, it’s now almost bedtime and the demon has returned…. im currently hiding in my bedroom letting hubby take over for a while…. I could literally fall asleep right now and it’s only 7.25pm….

im dreading another day solo parenting the little cherubs again tomorrow…. I’m thinking chocolate or cake may be required to get me through…. or perhaps a childminder 😂

It’s a good job I love the little darlings…..

and I honestly will miss them when we’re all back to school and work…. so, I’ll grit my teeth and battle through another day tomorrow…. and I’ll hope we can have some fun and smiles… and perhaps a few less tears and tantrums (even if that’s only me!!)

Saturday can’t come quickly enough…. hubby is off and we’ve a family day out planned…. and then we’ve loads of plans for next week for happy days and memories to be made….

the plus side of all this school holiday fun is that it’s taking my mind off my next scan…. I’m too exhausted to think!! only 6 days and 15 hours to go (it’s not on my mind at all obviously 🙄)

so yea…. parenting is tough…. REALLY tough sometimes…. but the good times definitely outweigh the bad…. the smiles do outweigh the tears and tantrums….and I really am blessed to have my little monsters…. and to be lucky enough to have the next little monster kicking away inside me….as much as I may moan, and as much as I’d kill for just half an hour off this week I just have to keep reminding myself of this…. and I really wouldn’t change any of it for the world 💙

 

 

Grumpy….

Today I am grumpy….. and kinda glad it’s Friday!!

This week has been a bit crazy, starting with my scan and consultant on Monday, then opticians for biggest boy on Tuesday, an impromptu trip to a&e with smallest on Wednesday and dentist on Thursday…. which was rather traumatic as me and smallest boy got locked in…..

im absolutely exhausted and feeling pretty rubbish today…

today also marks 1 whole year since I sat with my beautiful Nan and said goodbye to her as she finally gave up her fight on this earth….

this afternoon consisted of a trip to the cemetary with my boys and I’m now physically and emotionally exhausted after a very long busy week…. it’s only teatime but I’m ready for bed…. hoping hubby hurries up home from work  and takes over with our crazy brood!

Sleep has been full of crazy vivid dreams this week too…. waking me up several times a night which I guess hasn’t helped….. especially when they’ve felt so real…. im just a moaning cow!!

Ive had SO many comments this week about baby…. my bump is VERY obvious now…. and I have to say that most of the comments have just really pissed me off!!!

From “I bet you’re praying this ones a girl” (which I’ve had more tea recently than I can count) and ” this one will definitely be a girl, you must want a daughter” to “ooh starting all over again when the boys are big and independent” there’s also been “oh no you can’t have 3, 3 is a bad number” and  my favourite this week “god was it planned?!” In a shocked horrified voice…..maybe I’m just tired and hormonal but seriously, what has it got to do with anyone else?!

Just in case anyone was wondering   no we’re not praying for a girl…. we’re praying for a healthy baby….

i already have a daughter, and so does my hubby….. none of us could care in the slightest the sex of our baby, and he/she being healthy really is all that we are hoping for.

secondly…. yes we are starting all over again, smallest boy is 7…. no it’s not how we planned it…. we planned it 4 whole years ago…. but would we change it…. not at all, now is obviously our time and we couldn’t be happier that the others  are more grown up and they are SO excited too…. I happen to think it’s gonna be a brilliant age gap!

Thirdly, this isn’t child number 3 in any sense….. this is my 4th baby…. it also won’t be the 3rd living child in our family…. my 2 boys and my stepdaughter already make 3….

and finally, yes it was planned, very much so…. anyone whose followed my blog will know the long journey we’ve been on to get this far….

so yes, I’m being hormonal and temperamental….and I don’t care!!

I guess venting here is better than keeping it all inside!!

I wouldn’t dream of saying any of those things to another woman so I struggle to comprehend why anyone else would say them to me…. but I’ll just continue to smile, nod and ignore people’s comments…. and concentrate on the amazing life growing inside me, and the amazing little family we already have….

interfering people may feel free to comment on my beautiful family, our choices and our lives but at the end of the day we’re entitled to ignore them…. and so we will!

i feel sorry for my poor hubby this week actually….. he’s had to endure all of my moaning about stupid interfering people….. I’ll make it up to him one day…. maybe 😜

we have a busy weekend planned too with our 3 little horrors so no rest for the wicked!!

If you’ve got this far well done…. and i promise Ill be back soon with something less whingy!

 

The good news just keeps on coming this week 😬

Yesterday we went for my 20 week anomaly scan. I was very stressed and incredibly worried, and it was a VERY long half an hour lying there being scanned waiting to hear that everything was ok…. especially as I spent at least half of that time with the bed tipped upside down as baby was in an awkward position…. no good for my already dizzy self 😂

HOWEVER…..baby looked perfect….. no sign of smallest mans kidney problem (which we’d been given a 25% chance of recurring) and more importantly no sign of hydrops…. so far so good!!

And for all those people asking…. yes we know what we’re having….

its a….. BABY!!

We had the same lovely sonographer as our 13 week scan and he couldn’t have been nicer, even after he’d finished he went back and rechecked babies fluid to reassure us there were definitely no signs of hydrops…. really hoping we get him again next time!!

another consultant appointment followed – this time a different dr who just agreed with the plan that was made last week. In fact it took me far longer to book my next 7 scan appointments and consultant appointments than the actual appointment lasted!!

afterwards we braved some window shopping and picked out some baby things that we like…. we are compiling a list to be bought after baby is safely delivered!

i spent most of the day feeling guilty for the lack of excitement…. longing for the days before pregnancy loss when I would’ve been bursting with excitement and  shopping for so many gorgeous baby items….  I was tired and grumpy for most of the day, although hubby did eventually convince me to take the boys out and we enjoyed a lovely evening at the park with them having lots of fun together.

Desperately trying to hold onto the hope that yesterday’s scan brought us to get us through until the next one now, these next few weeks are going to be the most crucial…. hydrops developed between 20-30 weeks in both my first 2 pregnancies so we’re in the danger zone now…. hoping to try and stay busy (I’m sure having the summer hols and my boys home will do that easily!!), stay positive and make it out with our happy ending…. please keep your fingers crossed with us 😘

we have a plan!

So I’m just back from my first consultant appointment at my local hospital.

ive been worrying about it for weeks, in fact at 2am this morning I was up writing a list of all the things I needed to say, all the things I need to make sure are put in place, and I’d psyched myself up for stamping my feet until they agreed to follow the same level of care as if had in my last pregnancy….. I was even ready to transfer my care over to the hospital my other children were born at if they didn’t agree to monitor baby closely enough….

the fact I’ve waited for so long to actually get a consultant appointment didn’t help…. my midwife was adamant I should’ve been seen weeks ago, but I’m so glad I waited instead of asking to be transferred already….

it appears all of my worrying was for nothing, in fact today my faith in my local hospital has been restored completely (after such awful experiences in their early pregnancy unit last year, coupled with a not very nice experience when finding out my daughters problems there all those years ago I had very little faith)

i saw THE most lovely doctor -sadly he’s not my consultant – he was covering as she’s on annual leave – but….. he had read my notes BEFORE I went in….. he asked questions about my daughter, about the care I’d received, about the outcomes of all of my pregnancies, and all of the interventions that I’ve had previously. He seemed to genuinely care…..

I didn’t have to ask for anything at all….he asked how I’d been looked after in previous pregnancies, how often I’d been monitored and scanned etc and he arranged for MORE monitoring in this pregnancy, he told me he wanted me to have no reason at all to be any more anxious than I have cause to be….

so I now have a plan for scans and consultant appointments every 2 weeks from 24 weeks….. and hes told me I can go in ANYTIME I have any concerns at all…. and then he even went to see another consultant to check if there was anything else they could do for me

and there was me all geared up for an argument!!

i left feeling so much more positive than I have done in a long time…. and happy I stuck with what I wanted – to be as close to home as possible…. fingers crossed that all scans go well and I get to stay under their care and deliver a healthy precious rainbow baby there too

I’m back there again for a scan and to see the consultant again on Monday….. let’s just hope that goes as well as today 😊

 

Another step forward

Finally got my blood results back and thankfully all is good, so that’s one less worry on the list!

We have made it to my 20th week of pregnancy now, I can feel baby moving and kicking which definitely helps lessen my worrying. Hubby felt it for the first time a few days ago, and actually had tears in his eyes, then smallest boy felt it yesterday too and was SO excited I thought he might burst, he had to ring daddy to tell him too it was incredibly cute…. definitely made me realise just how lucky I am.

Countdown to our next scan os underway now, 6 days and counting and nerves are already beginning to set in…. in all honesty I’m missing that first pregnancy naivety where by now i would have been so excited I could barely contain myself…. just gotta hope and pray baby is doing good in there and hydrops hasn’t reared its ugly head….

keep your fingers crossed for us!