Is this really happening?!

With only a couple of days to go now sleep has deserted me, it’s the middle of the night and I’m wide awake thinking about what cleaning and organising I can do once it’s a reasonable enough time to get up….

most of the house has already been scrubbed to within an inch of its life…. today’s main job is to wash baby clothes…. a job that’s been put off for so long in fear of tempting fate…. but last night I actually braved taking them out of the packets and getting them ready to be washed and packed in my bag…. it still doesn’t feel real that very soon they will be worn by our baby…. in fact I honestly don’t think I’ll believe we’re actually having this baby until he/she is in my arms….. until then I’ll brave washing the tiny little clothes and I’ll finish the blanket I’m crocheting, and I’ll hide them back in the bottom of my bag and hope…. it’s got us this far so let’s hope it’ll get us through these last few days 😬

 

Almost there…. late update

The past week or so has been more than a bit busy and I’ve only just found the energy to update after our last scan and consultant appointment last week…sorry!

it was all a lot to take it to be fair, scan showed that my diabetes had started to affect baby’s growth… it had gone from measuring on the 10th centile throughout my whole pregnancy, to it’s stomach now measuring on the 100th centile…. the baby they’ve been so worried about not growing properly we’re now concerned is growing too quickly….

i really struggled to get my head round this as I had stuck so meticulously to my diet and tried SO incredibly hard to keep this baby safe and not let my sugar levels affect it, and even though I’d managed to keep all my levels within target baby had still been affected… it was really tough.

My consultant appointment led to a decision to deliver at 38 weeks, and the need for steroid injections first to give baby the best chance at not needing any special care, so I was booked for a weekend stay in hospital last weekend so that I could have the injections and they could monitor my blood sugars closely/treat me with insulin if required….. that’s a whole other story, but the short version is that the injections are done and baby will be born NEXT WEEK 😬😬😬

were on a bit of a countdown now, I’m tired, anxious, and even bordering occasionally on excited!! we’re very nearly at the end of this part of the journey now, it’s been so much tougher than even I imagined it would be, but it’s going to be so worth it!!

im spending far too much time making lists and trying to organise things now, with only a week to go my ocd and nesting are in overdrive!! Christmas is pretty much sorted too as I know I won’t be able to shop/wrap/organise post Caesarian…. though I’ll apologise in advance to anyone expecting a card…. I have a feeling they’re just not getting done this year!!

However I’m determined that everything is going to go smoothly….. poor hubby isn’t going to know what’s hit him when he gets presented with the list of jobs I want to do this weekend 😂

 

 

 

 

Moan moan moan…..

Thought I’d give my long suffering husband a break from my moaning and do it here instead!!

weve finally got to the 36 week mark, the finish line is almost in sight, it really won’t be long until we have our precious little one in our arms….

We have our last scan and consultant appointment on Monday – where we get to make a plan for delivery – hopefully it’ll all feel more real then…

however that isn’t stopping me from being incredibly grumpy!! (So I keep being reminded anyway!!)

I of all people should be embracing every moment of this pregnancy, after all it’s been a very long journey to get this far….and believe me I’m trying….

However I’m shattered – sleep just isn’t happening very much at the moment….

hungry…. this diabetes diet is really rather difficult for someone as fussy as me…. the majority of foods I would normally eat are now either completely off limits or rationed!! and although the diabetes consultant being incredibly pleased with how well I’m doing did make it all seem much more worthwhile, knowing I’m doing everything I can to protect this baby, it sadly doesn’t stop it being really fucking tough….

and increasingly bored and fed up…. I have a huge list of jobs that need doing before baby arrives, but the majority of them I just can’t physically do myself….. hubby is at work every day doing 12 hour shifts so there just aren’t enough hours in the day for him to get stuff done at home too… luckily my boys are being incredibly helpful and helping me out lots round the house, but it’s SO frustrating not being able to get stuff done properly 😡

I’m sick of sitting in the house all day looking at all the things that need doing…. but then I’m too exhausted to do much else… or actually can’t do much else…. my very restrictive diet means I can’t even go for a trip to the local coffee shop as there’s nothing there that I can (or will) eat or drink….

Im trying to save my energy for after school and the weekend so the boys aren’t too fed up with me… they don’t deserve to be stuck in with moaning mummy all the time….

i just can’t win really…. I feel guilty for not enjoying these last few weeks of pregnancy, afterall I’m never going to be doing this again…. and I feel guilty for not making the most of every single moment with my boys before their new sibling arrives and life becomes even more chaotic….

i feel guilty every single time I moan, and every time I get annoyed with someone’s stupid comment…. I really wouldn’t change any of this for anything in the world…. this pregnancy, this baby is all we’ve hoped for for the past 4 and a half years, and the journey we’ve been on to get this far has been hell…. I really am thankful for every single second of this pregnancy, for every single kick, every minute of lost sleep, and every single worry I have about this baby…. we really had given up hope of ever getting this far

So enough of the “woe is me” rubbish…. im incredibly lucky to have what I have right now and to have got this far, so I’ll carry on being grumpy to myself, stamp my feet a bit, then pull myself together,  focus on the positives and paint on a smile…. it really will all be worth it…. I just need to keep reminding myself of that…

 

 

 

Time goes so slowly….

Well I’ve survived the past week…. just!!

I seem to have got my head round the whole diabetes thing much quicker than I thought I would, I have changed my diet so much that my levels have all (bar one) being absolutely fine, I’ve given up sugar completely and can honestly say I’ve not even missed it…. this baby has definitely given me the motivation I needed! You never know my chocolate addiction may be cured after this little one is born!!

time seems to be going SO slowly now though, every day feels like a week, I’m not sleeping very well so I’m generally exhausted most of the time… guess my body’s getting me used to life with a newborn … dare I actually believe that might happen?! 😬

Back to the hospital tomorrow to see the diabetes midwife, fingers crossed she will be happy with me, then only a week until our last scan and consultant appointment where we will make the final decision about when baby will arrive 😬

the end of this part of our journey is nearly in sight…. it’s been one hell of a ride, but I know it will all be worth it soon enough…. I just need to carry on riding this part of the rollercoaster for another 3/4 weeks now…. wish me luck!!

 

 

I can do this….

After an incredibly stressful weekend trying to come to terms with having yet another problem to overcome luckily yesterday’s   scan brought good news – we certainly needed it!! baby has grown exactly along the 10th centile, so no worries about it not growing, and also meaning my newly diagnosed gestational diabetes hasn’t affected baby by making growth too fast…. huge sigh of relief there!

Consultant appointment was ok too, after a lot of discussion about who needs to lead my care now it’s been decided that it’s more important that my own fetal medicine specialist consultant continues my care rather than transferring me to the diabetes consultant, as they are confident I can control my blood sugars and the other complications and my history need looking after by my own consultant!

plans have had to change now since my newest diagnosis, and they no longer want to give me steroids and bring baby out at 38 weeks due to the risks to my blood sugar levels from the steroids, so as long as I can keep my levels under control and baby continues to grow along the same line at the next scan in 2 weeks time then they will deliver at 39 weeks instead, removing the need for steroids.

However if my sugar levels aren’t controlled, and/or baby hasn’t grown properly then they will plan delivery earlier…. fingers crossed I can do this!!

next we saw the diabetes specialist midwife, she gave me my blood glucose monitor, needles and test strips etc and showed me how to use them. as well as lots of advice and many leaflets to read through…. I’m back there next week to see how I’m doing…

it was all a lot to take in to be fair, I was very glad hubby was with me to ask questions and remember things!! I spent last night and this morning very frustrated making several failed attempts at getting enough blood to even test…. and trying to change needles etc…. I’m just not very good at all this…. BUT I think I’ve figured it out now, and all my readings so far have been fine…. fingers crossed!!

theres still so much to learn, and so many questions to ask, but … I CAN do this…. I have to do this to keep this precious baby safe and healthy, we’ve come SO far and overcome so much…. what’s a bit of chocolate or cake or an extra slice of toast compared to the health of our baby??!!

just another obstacle to get over….

So am 8am phonecall from the hospital telling me I have gestational diabetes was not high up there on my favourite things to do on a Friday morning….

I’ve spent the past 2 hours between tears and anger at my body for once again not being able to do things right….and scared of what’s to come….  but now I need to pull myself together and deal with this….

i have an appointment on Monday to see the diabetes specialist midwife and be given a blood sugar monitor and be taught how to use it etc (as well as the appointments I already had for my next scan and to see my consultant) and in the meantime I have to try and change my diet to get my blood sugar under control….

seriously wondering what on earth ive done to deserve all this and wondering how much more strength I can find to deal with everything that’s being thrown at me….. we’ve come SO far, it just seems every time we get a glimmer of hope something else pops up out of nowhere to bring us crashing back down….

id like to say roll on Monday for our next scan etc…. but I’m pretty terrified now…

Bleugh…..

Today was my glucose tolerance test…. I started the day in a rubbish mood, having been allowed nothing but water since 10pm last night, I got up early and was starving!! I sat through breakfast with my boys almost resenting their every mouthful, dropped smallest boy with my sister so she could take him to school and walked down to the hospital….

by the time I got there I was already shattered, and had to sit and wait for half an hour for my turn…..

the midwife was lovely, she took my blood and explained what would happen, then handed me a plastic cup full of “glucose solution” to drink….. anyone that knows me well knows how fussy I am and what a wimp I am, but seriously the stuff was DISGUSTING…. Thick and gloopy orange liquid that I had to force down, that actually made me heave…. it took me nearly 10 minutes to drink the vile stuff, by which point I could’ve actually cried!! It’s a good job I had a patient midwife who told me she cared more that it actually stayed down and I could sit there all day drinking it if I needed too lol!!

after that I had to sit back in the hot busy waiting room for 2 hours whilst I waited for my next blood test…. I could’ve actually fallen asleep I was so bored!

Apparently I’ll hear within the next couple of days if there any problem with my glucose levels, so fingers crossed they’re all fine and I can avoid the hospital til my next appointment next Monday….

home now and have finally eaten, I’m still absolutely exhausted though, so sat feeling sorry for myself and my 2 sore arms trying to find some energy to start crocheting a blanket for baby…..

It’s a good job this baby is worth all the stuff I have to keep putting myself through…. who’d have thought of all the procedures and stress I’ve been through in my journey so far that drinking a drink would be high up there on my worst experiences list!!

here’s hoping for an uneventful week!